New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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