I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
