It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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