While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did I show you my penis last night?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
