Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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