Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
