Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
