my vag is so smooth its legendary
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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