Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
