if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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