I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
