If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He did a backflip because drugs
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