omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
