I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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