Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
