You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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