Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
