The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
