you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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