Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
