Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
