It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
