That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
