Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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