Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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