We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
