Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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