sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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