I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize