I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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