There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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