do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
