I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
