see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
