I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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