Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
