I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
