You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We are all done wearing pants today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
soo... how was my night?
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