u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
