You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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