Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
