i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
