Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
