When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
