Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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