Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
