In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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