I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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