Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
