I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
