...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
