i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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