There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
there was a trapeze. enough said
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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