he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
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First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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