im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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