i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
