I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
