someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I won the penis lottery.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
