i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
