Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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