matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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