what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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