I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Your cock deserves a montage
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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