Me. At least after what I've been through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
