I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
