I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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