1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
