no, he came in my armpit
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
