I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
