from now on my penis is your penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What a dumb baby whore.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i believe in u and ur pee
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
