We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
