i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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