we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
