That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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