i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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