my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
