ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Less talking, more tequila
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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