get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
