im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
