Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it glows. i had to have it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
