i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
