dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
